Today is a bad day. By bad day I mean in pain terms.
For those of you who haven’t read my bio, I have a back condition that causes me daily chronic pain and I combat this with medication in the form of tablets, patches, liquid painkiller, spinal injections and denervation.
Generally I can keep going by mentally putting my pain into a box in my head, which means although I’m still in pain, I can manage to get through the day.
But having waited for spinal injections and denervation for a year instead of the 4 – 6 months that I’m supposed to have them, the pain seems to be slowly taking over my life. And it’s shit.
- It’s shit that I can’t do things with my children like I used to.
- It’s shit that I’ve had to give up a job I loved.
- It’s shit that I’m having to take so much medication to try and combat the pain.
- It’s shit that I have to rely on other people to do things.
- It’s shit that I have to cancel plans with friends at short notice because I can’t move.
- It’s shit that I can’t sleep at night because of the pain waking me up.
- It’s shit that when I do try and get out of bed, I have to take morphine so help the pain and stiffness ease before I can move.
- It’s shit that I have days like today, where I have so much pain that I can’t go out.
The NHS pain clinic still can’t tell me when my injections will be done. They can’t even give me a timescale. 🙄
Having spoken to my doctor, I’m now having to be referred to a musculoskeletal consultant to see if they’ll be able to do something sooner. In the meantime it means that days like this will happen more and more. My medication will continue to increase.
And it’ll still be shit…….
Of course, all this pain is also affecting my mood. I’m becoming snappier, mainly because I’m tired all the time due to lack of sleep. But also because this pain is all consuming and at the moment I just can’t see a way out.
So if you know anyone going through something like this, don’t judge – you have no idea what they are going through. Instead, please remember to ask them the following 5 questions.
I have Lovely Man and my family to help me through the dark days. I honestly don’t know how people who don’t have that support manage. 😕